Lessons of 2025

2025 sucked, if I am completely honest. I had the worst year of my life in almost every way possible, but I am determined to scour the ashes of my burned soul and find the lessons that will keep me from ever repeating this level of pain and misery again.

No one knows me better than I do. I have a long history of not listening to myself. I have inner dialogues that tell me exactly what to do in any situation, and at the same time I talk myself out of those great decisions. I am done with that. Going forward, I will make choices that I want to make and that benefit me. Period. I am done being a passive bystander to my own life and living according to what anyone else wants.

Job titles don’t mean anything. I am following my own career path now. I don’t need a title to make other people happy or proud. I am finally following my dreams. I am going to keep writing because it is the career I’ve wanted for a big chunk of my life but never felt strong enough to pursue. Please meet Jennifer LM Gerndt, Ph.D., queer memoirist.

I am my biggest cheerleader. I used to say my partner was my biggest cheerleader. And she was, but only when no one was looking. I have spent years waiting for her and for others to cheer me on, literally and metaphorically, and people have not shown up. So, I am showing up for myself. I am celebrating me loudly and proudly. If anyone wants to join the bandwagon, great. But I’m not waiting anymore.

Never lose your independence. You can be in a healthy, happy relationship and be independent at the same time. Foster your needs and interests, and be ready to care for yourself if necessary. You don’t have to plan to be on your own, but you need to be able to if tragedy or emergency strikes.

I have an anxious attachment style. Geez, this is information I could have used thirty years ago. Everyone should learn about attachment theory because it is a game changer. It explains so much about who we are in relationships and sometimes even in friendships. I am anxious because I fear abandonment, because I wasn’t comforted enough as a child. I wanted hugs and didn’t get them consistently. Because I would rather lose myself than my partner, I permitted my partners to treat me poorly. It’s a pattern. And it’s painful. But I am working through it.

No one will save me. I have always wanted others to show up with grand gestures. I imagined support rallies forming in my honor. Spoiler: it won’t happen. But what can happen is that I can choose to work hard each day to be better and achieve more. It is on me. And if I am sad or feeling desperate, I need to push through. No one watching me cry on the Beltline is going to solve all 376 of my problems. I have the tools to work through them myself. I need to learn to be as patient with myself as I have been with all the people who have caused me to need saving.

Therapy is money well spent. The work is on the individual, but good therapy can transform a life. Talking openly with a neutral person is critical. Saying things out loud in a safe place is underrated. Having a trusted relationship with someone who can help you figure things out while you learn your own patterns is priceless. I cannot say enough about finding the right therapist; it is life changing.

Age is not just a number. People say this casually, but I think I am learning the power of my age. Or at the very least, I am using it as power. I don’t want to pretend that turning fifty was no big deal. It was huge for me. My life was in shambles on the actual day my birthday hit, and that matters. But I am leaning into the fact that I look good for fifty and that I am in better shape at fifty than I was at forty. I am glowing up and feeling great. And because I know my days ahead are fewer than the days behind me, I will make sure I suck all the life out of my next decades and live the fullest, most beautiful life yet.

Today is the day to start. Whatever it is you want to do, today is a great day to move toward it. Reach out to your friends and family. Apply for the job. Book the trip. Learn the language. Don’t waste another minute reading lame blogs by a big no-name (kidding… mostly). Take a step toward the life you want. If you wait, you’ll regret it. If you waste time, you’ll regret it. If you let other people wedge themselves between you and your dreams, you’ll definitely regret it. Start now. Go for it!

Cheers to anyone else who thought 2025 would fully take them out. I am glad you are still here. I hope you learned some lessons too.