Godspeed to you

I really don't want to stay stuck on the same thoughts forever,  and I am working through the painful healing process. However, healing a wounded soul takes time, a long time when the wound was intentional.

My current rumination is thinking how you had to destroy my life in order to have her AND you were OK with that. Re-read that. You were OK destroying my life. It doesn't matter why. You should never be OK hurting someone else on purpose, but you were.

What happened to friends? What happened to open, honest conversations? You kept me on the hook as long as you had no one else. You lied about what you wanted. You lied from the first day. You continued to lie when we realized the relationship was not going forward. You have lied regularly in the aftermath.

How can you look at her without thinking that she represents my darkest period of my life? How can you look at her knowing she represents the most disgusting period of your life?

The bigger question is how can she look at you when you represent psychological damage? Intentional pain? Lack of empathy? Extreme selfishness?

Something I recently realized is that I cannot have you in my life as long as she is in yours. I may not ever forgive you for what you did to me. And I will never forgive her for looking past the hell you put me through.

Godspeed to you both.