Write it down

I get stuck a lot. I want to write, and I either cannot find the sophisticated, interesting way of expressing myself that I so desperately crave or I cannot find the time to sit down and pour my heart out. Time feels like the most frequent obstacle. As an undiagnosed, but certain ADHD sufferer, much of what I do without prescribed or self-imposed parameters seems like an insurmountable task. I need hours to gather my thoughts, and by then, time has run out. I used to use loud music in my headphones to drown out all other sounds while staring at my computer that was against a blank wall and NOT a window.

I basically should always be in a cave with music when I write. Of course the darkness makes me sleepy, requiring a nap. How long I should sleep? I wonder if I should try to write a little bit before the nap, but then second guess my choice and spend another hour contemplating my options. As a solution I decide to read a little online about a topic I had been planning on writing about and then accidentally check Twitter or Facebook only to be reminded that there are a lot of crazies in this world that give me a ton of anxiety. This leads me to fact checking everyone’s latest conspiracy theories and reading articles that provide little or no new information. Circling back to the original annoyance of people spreading stupidity causes me to slip into a spiral of googling people and things, at best, tangentially connected to anything I had hoped to read or write about for the day. Now, two more hours have passed. I am definitely tired and need a nap. I close my eyes, but I am so annoyed with myself for having wasted three hours of my day doing things that did not help me get the words out of my head and on to my virtual paper. I cannot sleep. I want to though. I am now confident that substantial sleep would help me be ultra productive when I wake up, but I will settle for 20 minutes. Yep, 20 minutes sounds great. In fact, if I fall asleep right now and sleep for just 20 minutes, I can wake up and write for another hour or two before dinner. Perfect. Now I have a plan to get something done today and make significant progress on my book. Well, now I just noticed I am getting a headache. Maybe I should take some ibuprofen. Maybe the nap will help my headache go away, or maybe I didn’t drink enough water today. That’s probably the real problem. I am permanently dehydrated which is horrible for proper brain activity. I had read that people who drink water are less tired and find it easier to concentrate. Clearly that is my problem. I need to look again to see what the expected amount of water consumption each day is for someone of my age and activity level. Actually, I am curious how much water humans should drink in general. Should young people drink more water than older people? Or is it the other way around? I will google it now so that I can clear my brain so that I can take my 20-minute nap. Crap. I just realized that I have been lying here thinking about water for the last 30 minutes. Now I only have a bit over an hour to write. That means that about the time I hit my stride I will have to stop for dinner, and this makes me crazy. I would rather try to pull together a chunk of time after dinner so that I don’t have to start, stop, and start again. That makes more sense. Maybe I should start fresh tomorrow after I get a great night’s rest. That’s a solid thought. Now I have a plan I can work with. Tomorrow will be the start of many days of pure, focused, creative energy. Phew! Glad that is out of the way. I am ready for dinner.